Sista asked. Deep breath. I took it, likening it to an exhale. Not that I needed to pace myself or prepare the asker for anything off-putting—it’s just that the answer was more evoked, more complex. Still, I wasn’t going to give her all of that unless she asked. But I did want to elaborate, so maybe I’d answer in a way that invited her to seek more, to want more. Okay, bet. Get yourself together. End of the exhale:
"Sure, but it depends on what 'you' you’re referring to—the young, inexperienced me or who I am today? Relaxed, confident, self-assured... really all that I wasn’t back then, just like every other young man growing up."
She paused, maybe stunned at the length of my answer. I’m lying—she already walked away. Now I’m talking to you.
Ha! It was dope, though, the conversation between us. She felt me. Let’s see if you do.
No one, none of us, is born mature. We learn maturity through practice, experience, and most importantly, through living. How could anyone possibly have it all together as a young person? It’s impossible. There’s even an adage suggesting so: “Youth is wasted on the young.” True indeed—nothing could be truer. Old Head Energy speaking here...
Back in the days when I was young, I’m not a kid anymore, but some days, I sit and wish I was a kid again.
Word to Ahmad, like forever. That hook is perfect.We all understand the idea of growing into ourselves, of failing, learning, and failing again until we become better at life. Yet somehow, when it comes to matters of the heart, we abandon logic. Here, we’re expected to succeed the very first time we try. That young boy is expected to love perfectly the first time he tries. How is that even possible?
Listen, sis. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just didn’t know how to stay true to what I wanted while navigating the newness of it all. I didn’t know what “it” was. How does someone, anyone, prepare for the longing for sex once they begin to experience it? That yearning is without measure, mainly because its new, shiny, oiled up...
Ahem, anyway and moreover, how does someone, anyone, remain steady and true when their newfound fun suddenly turns into multiple people wanting to have sex with you. Huh?What? I'm confused, and honestly, not doing much of the thinking. That's being handled by a new player, he has a head, uhh mind, of his own. The two of us will have to speak at some point because this is getting ridiculous. "He's" grabbing the car keys on his own and everything. What even is that? The situation is tough, solely because it’s new.
So no, I don’t blame the young boy for being young. Nor do I badmouth him to my daughter. Instead, I chose to show her how to love and be loved properly, modeled after the way I treated her mother—how I still treat her mother—and in how I treated her as a young woman being raised by a man. Our marriage is also, evidence, following continued evidence from my parents, they of 50 some odd years together. Saw my dad grab my mom's ass the other day. I didn't say anything tho. He saw me see him, he just winked and chuckled, reminding me of a time when I came home one weekend unannounced...
My pops opened the door unimpressed, almost disappointed to see me. We hadn't seen each other a few months, so surely I was a bit let down by his obvious dejection in seeing me. Then I saw a bunch of rose peddles leading from the door to their bedroom. He just said "that's your mama, but that's my wife". I left.
My daughter’s middle name is Reign. I call her that. She knows royalty, lives it, breathes it. And because of this, even the faintest whiff of anything beneath her standard is met with swift dismissal. When she was young, I played Keyshia Cole and Missy Elliot backed by K-Michelle's "Can't Raise a Man" back to back. I can still hear her singing her little heart out when it came on during our drives: "if he ain't gonna love you the way he should then let him go..."
Now, let me be clear, this doesn’t mean she doesn’t get sad or emotional; it just means her recovery period is unparalleled. She’s been shown what respect looks like. She knows that a young man’s natural failings—his immaturity, his youth—aren’t hers to carry.
There is absolutely nothing a man can say that can or will explain why he's not treating you like you deserve to be treated.-Shit I tell my daughter.
So, would I want my daughter to meet someone like me?
Yes. Because she’s ready. If a young, brown-skinned, smooth-talking, chip-toothed, bald-headed dreamer walks into her life, she’ll recognize him. She’s seen him before—in me, in my best form. She’ll know what’s possible. And if that young man grows into himself—if he circles back with the wisdom and respect she deserves—maybe they’ll have something worth building. If not, she’ll move forward, stronger and wiser for the experience. Because that’s life. That’s growth. And that’s how you prepare your child for the world.
Parents, we have to stop telling our daughter's that the boy hitting her or messing with her is only doing it because he likes her. We are unintentionally conditioning our daughters to fall in love with the asshole. Lastly: Be mindful, we can't protect our daughters if we don't educate our sons. One Love
-Smirk